Sunday, April 19, 2009

Always carry duct tape.. it may just save you from this.

 

This is just to funny not to pass on… and if you have seen it, I’m sure it will make you laugh again…

cdiaz_stall_angel

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin


My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it
quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in the library,
the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how
clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask
him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There have been
several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would
have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this
more than last week at Costco.
Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me
into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that
evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the
last stall:
''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper
on the
potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now?  Mommy, what
are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?''
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the
bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full .. 4? 5? Maybe we could
wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and
reveal my identity.
Cade continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh,
dats a good
girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty?
Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh...Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere. Oh!
I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some
candy!''
I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me.
Where is a screaming new born when you need her?  Good grief. This was
really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before
exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in
Mommy's purse
and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!''
''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies...Oh! Mommy!''
He started to gag at this point.
''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies
are making
me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!''
As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.. I quickly
flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject.  I began to reason with
myself: OK. There are four other toilets.  If I count four flushes, I can be
reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will
be long gone.
''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going
stinkies! Get up! Get up!''
He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter.
I bent down to count the feet outside my door.  ''Oh, are you wooking
under
dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You
wooking at the wady's feet?''
More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the
situation.
''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now,
Mommy.''
He started pounding on the door.  ''Mommy, don't you want to wash
your
hands? I want to go out!!''
I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened
the
door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded
around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.
My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's the
fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit
of my
dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while
he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign
it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.


(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where she no longer uses public restrooms)


Quote of the Day:
Encouragement is like a premium gasoline - it helps to take knocks out of living.

6 comments:

  1. OH my goodness, i am crying with laughter...i will never again moan about the time that jordan yelled 'ARE YOU HAVING A POO OR A WEE WEE MUM'when i walked into a toilet off the coridoor at the hospital once...I will never again moan about the time deion yelled 'COME ON MUMMY, I HEARD TWO LUMPS ALREADY, HOW MANY MORE LUMPS HAVE YOU GOT' in a public bathroom...you've topped it, i am in awe...now who on earth taught that child to have such a good vocabulary???? LOLOLOL!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is so friggin' funny! My son was always like this too!~ Actually, he still is and duct tape is a wonderful idea~

    ReplyDelete
  3. That is too funny! Kids say the greatest things.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Very, very funny! Kids are so amazing! Thanks for sharing this story.

    ReplyDelete

 

blogger templates | Make Money Online